Unexpected - a very good analogy

I read something recently about traumatic brain injury (it's very hard for me to even refer to myself this way for some reason) patients who have long term effects much like I do. It said that we wake up in the morning feeling like we either have the flu, or like we are hung over and there is nothing we can do about it. I felt like I was finally reading something where someone understood me.

I am having a very hard time finding anything about long term effects in hemmoraghic stroke patients like myself. I live in that world of knowing how to proceed because i can research it, etc... Well, it's not working in this case. Most people in my case end up as either a vegetable, or dead. So not helpful. The exercises they have me doing make everything worse. I know my recovery has been great, but there are long term side effects and so far as we can tell those are now permanent. I can work through them, and I am, but I am really young to be feeling this old. And this is not some meme I found on facebook. I am jealous of others my age as I watch all they do and all their energy. I don't have the focus or concentration. I can push myself, and I do. Sometimes it's worth it. But I pay for it, sometimes for days afterwards. My brain has to recooperate. I hate it.

I am pushing towards normal. Say it with me. Normal. It can be hard. And dark. Not that I don't have help. I do. But this is hard. And dark. Say it again.... normal. Is it ever coming for me?  Will I ever see normal again?

And all of this is just the stroke. I haven't touched the cancer.

Shaking my head.

Why do I write this stuff again? Check out some of these great videos: