Unexpected - DONE WITH CHEMO

Thursday was my last day of infusion chemo.  In total I had 92 days of infusion chemo in the oncology center. I can't even fathom that.

Today we had a small end of chemo party during lunch.  I just wanted to thank some of the people that have been so helpful through all this - taking me to chemo when mom was laid up from breaking her leg, helping by driving the kids around, just helping out our family in general.  I know it's not an easy thing to help out.  But more than ever it's not easy for me to ask for help.  So we thought we would jut have a small party/get together at my favorite place to go after chemo to chow down.

We had a fantastic turn out.  I knew I wouldn't be able to get everyone there, but I was amazed at the turn out itself.  We had 30 people turn out.  It was great.  

I invited all of you there because of the roll you have played in my illness and recovery.  You all mean so much to me.  Thank you so much for all of your help. I don't even have the words to express.  And I have so much longer to go.  Getting through this infusion chemo is a huge part of my recovery and I'm so anxious to be feeling better.

But I just wanted to share a song that hit me coming home from my last chemo.  I know that when you hear/see it you will know why.

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You never fail me and you won't start now.

When oh when will I learn this lesson oh God. Is it as I sit on the floor of my hospital room because I fell? You never fail me and you won't start now. 

Was it during those days post stroke that I don't remember? You never fail me and you won't start now.

Was it during any of those 92 days of chemo? Was it during that return to the hospital for problems with my heart?

You never fail me and you won't start now.

When will I ever learn?

Thank you for all the friends you send along the way to remind me.

The Easy Way Out

Obesity Help is where I first got my start. I learned so much about gastric bypass surgery and what little I thought I knew, what my options where, and what I still needed to learn.

I am so excited that they are coming to Raleigh in October for their yearly conference.  I am hoping against hope that I may actually be able to meet some of these people who have help me along not only my weight loss journey but also my recent health issues.

I recently read an article that I thought would e perfect fro all of you to read.  I hope you have found it as helpful as I have.

Surgery is NOT the Easy Way Out

Unexpected - great article

I found this great article and had to share:

What not to say

I hope you enjoy it.

Unexpected - my own expectations

This whole journey has not been what I expected.  AT ALL.  There have been a couple of people working on me on this.  In particular, my sister and my husband, trying to make me realize that I am probably not going back to work when I think I am going back to work.  I feel like I'm getting ganged up on that respect.  Don't tell anyone ... but they are probably right. Sigh.

Today I got a card from an associate at work that just hit me - at just the right time - in just the right way.  Perfection is simply the only word I could use to describe it.  I just had to share:

I am getting to that point in chemo where it is really starting to suck.  Like - SUCK. I can't even describe how much this card meant to me. I hope I get the message back to Brian just how much  I appreciate him reaching out to me like this.

Unexpected - Lessons

So many of you know that this round of chemo has not gone as I have planned.  When will I learn to stop planning things anyway?

First of all, the week before chemo started mom had an "accident" and broke her FEMUR (who breaks their femur for no apparent reason again?  Oh yeah - my mother) and had to have surgery to put 2 rods and a plate in her hip to fix it.  Don't ask me to repeat that.

And yes - I had me a down right nervous breakdown.  You read that right.

My mom has for all intents and purposes been my main caregiver.  She takes me to chemo every day.  She comes to the house and checks on me.  She does me.  End of discussion.  Now I can't go to the hospital and after the hospital I can't go to rehab because I'm a cancer patient.  Um - WHAT?!?!?!?!

My sister flew up and took care of mom - and let's not kid each other - me - for a good 2 and a half weeks.  She even broke mom out of rehab because that place was just - well - just beyond.  I don't know what we would have done without her.

Mom moved into my aunt's house because of ease of use, and other things.  She has been doing very well.  In fact, last night we had dinner with her for her birthday and she WALKED into the restaurant with a cane.  We are so proud of her.

I am back at having chemo and it's every day like before.  Monday through Friday. But my mom can't take me.  I had to do something I was totally not OK with. I had to let other people take me to chemo every day.

Now some people I am totally OK with taking me to chemo.  My hubby can take me - my good friends can take me - I'm good.  But I can't ask them to take me every day.  That's a HUGE commitment.  I was going to have to LET people either weren't so close to me - I didn't like - possibly didn't even know - take me to chemo. I'm crying just writing this!

It was like God was tapping me on the shoulder.  Pam - I got this. I've heard you saying this whole time that I DO give you more than you can handle - and I do it on purpose so that you will rely on me.  Well, the rubber is meeting the road chicita.  Let's do this.

Can I just tell you .... I have met several people I never knew.  I am so glad I know them now.  AND! I really needed to know them.  They had major things I needed to know in terms of cancer.  One was a nurse at Duke for Bone Marrow Transplants.  God are you freaking kidding me? One had Lymphoma in the 90's.  Um - seriously.  I reconnected with an old friend I hadn't talked to or seen in years and our time together has literally been a JOY. A JOY! I have been able to spend time with other friends I just never would have been able to!  This time has just been such a blessing I was never even looking for.

Really God?  Really?