Unexpected - trying to find my sense of "normal"

I know I have not been keeping up with my blog.  To be honest - it's not because I don't want to - it has just been very hard for me to find the focus within myself after working, etc... to then spend time working on my blog as well.

Most of you know I went back to work full time back at the end of October.  I craved going back to work in order to find a real sense of normalcy. I have really loved going back to work. Being back in that building, and being back with the people I work with has filled that hole in my heart that was starting to widen and fill with anxiety the more I stayed home.  There were people who were not sure I was ready to return to work - for sure not ready to return to work full time.

Since returning back to work full time I will again be honest, and tell you that I have been struggling to find that sense of normal that I wanted so desperately to find by going back to begin with.  I have been considered a high risk cancer patient so I have to take oral chemo for the next 2 years in 3 month rotations. I have to be very mindful of what time of day it is so that I am sure that I am taking my meds at the right time.

I am still struggling with the after effects of the stroke that I had as a result of my cancer.  That is just as much a problem as the cancer that I am fighting - even though I am in remission from that. I have even fallen several times in the past few months.

And I struggle with longing for that sense of normal - it eludes me. I am so used to coming home from work - taking care of what I need to for home, kids, etc... and then getting back on the computer and doing what I need to do. Now I find it hard many days to even look at my phone because by the time I have driven home I have trouble mustering up that much effort to focus and concentrate. I desperately need to zone out. I am attending my General Physcian's Concussion Clinic, being seen at Vestibular Therapy, seeing a Neurologist Opthamologist for my eyes, and a Neurologist.

But I am driven to find that sense of normal.  I long for it. I need it. That is where I have been - hunting for my normal.