Well ...
Sometimes ....
I just feel like can't
I wasn't expecting this at all. I went deep into denial - I had no idea that I was going to be diagnosed with an acute cancer.
I know - everyone tells me how strong I am.
Everyone tells me how I'm the only one that could do this.
Don't get me wrong ... I am so glad that I have had this as opposed to any of my kids or my husband. But .... really? LEUKEMIA? Chemo?
If I talk about the leukemia clinically - where I am physically and what needs to be done - I'm good. I can have that conversation regularly.
But I just can't have the conversation. When I have any conversation about where I am emotionally - I cry. And hopefully the conversation is not very long. But I will have my quick cry and then I try to re-direct the conversation so that I can stop the emotional side and any crying that I may be dealing with.
I don't say this because I need help - I say this because I am finding myself avoiding the emotional conversations. I would rather talk to you clinically about what is going on than emotionally or deal with anything that is actually happening.
2 comments:
I just want to say, thank you Pam, that we get to be with you on your journey. I'm amazed by u and all that u will trust God through. I know and feel it, in everything you say, you do trust Him. Especially in the tears. I remember once, over 20 yrs ago, writing in my journal in college, and the words "joy is the struggle of trust" came out of my pen and I thought God taught me something there. Sometimes joy isn't what we think it is. Struggling, not giving up, not letting go of trust... that is a miracle path that not everyone can do. Maybe that's why they say you're so strong. But the thing is, you don't have to feel strong, you just have to be engaged in the struggle. Thanks for not giving up. <3 (that is a purple heart)
Sorry, this is me, Brooke.
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