Unexpected - Lessons

So many of you know that this round of chemo has not gone as I have planned.  When will I learn to stop planning things anyway?

First of all, the week before chemo started mom had an "accident" and broke her FEMUR (who breaks their femur for no apparent reason again?  Oh yeah - my mother) and had to have surgery to put 2 rods and a plate in her hip to fix it.  Don't ask me to repeat that.

And yes - I had me a down right nervous breakdown.  You read that right.

My mom has for all intents and purposes been my main caregiver.  She takes me to chemo every day.  She comes to the house and checks on me.  She does me.  End of discussion.  Now I can't go to the hospital and after the hospital I can't go to rehab because I'm a cancer patient.  Um - WHAT?!?!?!?!

My sister flew up and took care of mom - and let's not kid each other - me - for a good 2 and a half weeks.  She even broke mom out of rehab because that place was just - well - just beyond.  I don't know what we would have done without her.

Mom moved into my aunt's house because of ease of use, and other things.  She has been doing very well.  In fact, last night we had dinner with her for her birthday and she WALKED into the restaurant with a cane.  We are so proud of her.

I am back at having chemo and it's every day like before.  Monday through Friday. But my mom can't take me.  I had to do something I was totally not OK with. I had to let other people take me to chemo every day.

Now some people I am totally OK with taking me to chemo.  My hubby can take me - my good friends can take me - I'm good.  But I can't ask them to take me every day.  That's a HUGE commitment.  I was going to have to LET people either weren't so close to me - I didn't like - possibly didn't even know - take me to chemo. I'm crying just writing this!

It was like God was tapping me on the shoulder.  Pam - I got this. I've heard you saying this whole time that I DO give you more than you can handle - and I do it on purpose so that you will rely on me.  Well, the rubber is meeting the road chicita.  Let's do this.

Can I just tell you .... I have met several people I never knew.  I am so glad I know them now.  AND! I really needed to know them.  They had major things I needed to know in terms of cancer.  One was a nurse at Duke for Bone Marrow Transplants.  God are you freaking kidding me? One had Lymphoma in the 90's.  Um - seriously.  I reconnected with an old friend I hadn't talked to or seen in years and our time together has literally been a JOY. A JOY! I have been able to spend time with other friends I just never would have been able to!  This time has just been such a blessing I was never even looking for.

Really God?  Really?