So for Christmas I finally got the KitchenAid mixer that I have been asking for. I immediately christened my new friend Karmine.

Karmine and I have been very busy cooking and baking up a storm. So busy that my mom made me a fantastic apron that I use for our adventures.

Last night we got busy making a set of cinnamon rolls.  It was the second time I made them. The first time I made them they came out much better and I think I know why.  The first time I didn't have any shortening and I substituted butter. They came out so well. So I am a little disappointed, but I didn't get much of what there was, so they couldn't have been that bad.  I think I had half a roll. I made the frosting as well and I'm pretty sure all of that is gone, too.

Modesty

A friend of mine pointed out a new blog post by Rachel Held Evans. After reading it I just wanted to stand up and cheer!!! I often do after reading something that she has posted, but this in particular just really left me wanting to jump up and down and point at it with lights or something.  Everyone look at this!  PLEASE!

 Modesty: I Don’t Think it Means What You Think it Means

I just have this to say ... Women do not need to be ashamed, or made to feel ashamed, of their bodies. Now this does not mean they are not responsible for their bodies, but at what point did we become responsible for men and their reactions?  Raising 2 daughters that have bodies on 2 different ends of the spectrum I struggle with imparting this wisdom. Especially when I have struggled with my own issues of body dis morphia. Throw in the question of "what is modest" and the game is not even fair.

I grew up wearing clothes that were several sizes too big - all the time. And now I see one of my daughters repeating that same pattern. There are lots of reasons behind wearing larger clothes.  While she is young I want her to feel comfortable enough in her own skin to realize that clothes that fit can be modest and flattering.

What is considered modest or appropriate changes depending on culture and context. It also changes from woman to woman, depending on body type, personality, personal convictions and season in life. While we may long for a universal dress code that would make all of this simpler, we aren’t given one. Perhaps this is why Paul encouraged women to “adorn themselves with good deeds,” and why the valorous woman of Proverbs 31 is praised because “she clothes herself in strength and dignity.” At the end of the day, the most important things we project to the world are strength, dignity and good deeds; the sort of things that transcend culture, circumstance, and clothing.

Lay Down Your Life

Here are some of my msings from the sermon at church this morning. It was on these verses from John 15:

My commandment is this: love one another, just as I love you.13 The greatest love you can have for your friends is to give your life for them.14 And you are my friends if you do what I command you. 15 I do not call you servants any longer, because servants do not know what their master is doing. Instead, I call you friends, because I have told you everything I heard from my Father. 16 You did not choose me; I chose you and appointed you to go and bear much fruit, the kind of fruit that endures. And so the Father will give you whatever you ask of him in my name. 17 This, then, is what I command you: love one another.

Love others. Do it as I have loved you. No other caveats. Not to love others like you. Not to love others that make it easy for you. Do it. And do it as I have loved you. Without judgement, and without hesitation. Go. Do.

Laying down your life is not necessarily about being willing to physically die, but about being willing to die to yourself. Are you willing to put another person's needs ahead of your own? Are you happy when someone succeeds? Can you drop everything and be there for them when they need a shoulder, or better yet someone to actually be the hands and feet when they just can't do it for themselves. Do you love someone enough to cross a line, even if it is uncomfortable, to be there for them when they need it, even if they aren't even aware that they need it?

The greatest defense of Christianity is not an argument. It is the way you live your life. Can people see Jesus when they look at you? Can they hear Him when you speak? Can they feel Him when they are with you?

Getting My Energy Back

So how many of you out there use Timehop? That fun app that lets you see what you were doing on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram 1 year, 2 years, 3 years ago, etc.... It's kinda fun - like the ultimate Throwback Thursday.

But something that has struck me lately when I peruse back through what my posts were years ago - especially the posts that are 5 years or greater - were how much energy I had. I look at the posts I had on the weekends and I'm like "So productive today! Video duty for 5 hours and then made lunch for the fam before putting dinner in the crockpot and going for a 5 mile run. Did homework with the kids and then conquered mount laundry before making sure all 3 kids got their baths before I put them to bed." At first I was like - that must have been a fluke. But then I started seeing them all the time. How could I feel so differently? It wasn't THAT long ago was it?

Unfortunately over the past 3 years my streak of needing surgeries and running into random health issues did not let up or get any better. I proceeded to shed un-needed organs at a rapid pace.  I no longer have my stomach  (didn't even realize that was un-needed did you?), as well as one of my ovaries, and a small section of my small intestine has now evacuated as well. This in addition to only having one kidney, no gallbladder, and no uterus. I am now severely anemic - so much so that I have to have iron infusions every 4 months or so because my body just can't keep my iron levels up. In conjunction with keeping iron levels up I also have to give myself B12 injections once a week in the thigh.

I have just recently felt like my energy levels are coming back from a few of these surgeries. It's so hard when they hit you just one right after the other.  And some of the organs I have said goodbye to are more major than I would care to admit. Whenever I had my kidney out the doctor's were all like "Oh - it's all good - God gave you 2 of them and your body will adjust."  Isn't that fantastic?  And it does - from what I have read Liza (my remaining kidney) has now grown in size - probably double - to compensate for the work that it has taken on for Elvira.

But I still don't feel like my energy is anywhere near being able to keep up with what I used to be able to do before I had cancer. How much of that is age? How much of that is all the surgeries I have had? How much of it is the anemia? How much of this is just my new normal?

Ahem ....

Hey y'all!

Have you missed me?

I've missed you!

I can't believe it's been 3 years since I've blogged!  So much has gone on - I have so much to catch you up on.  So let's jump right in.

As you can see - I have changed the address for my blog.  With the change - the focus for my blog will change a bit.  Well - kind of.  ;)  It's still all about Pam! But it won't be all about my weight loss. I am now 6 years out from my Gastric Bypass Surgery.  According to my surgeon I am the epitome of success.  I don't know about that.  I won't lie - #TheStruggleIsReal people! I have always said this surgery is a tool - and it is.  You still have to put in the work - and you do.  I am still workin it people! And I probably always will.  More on that later I'm sure.

I will probably also be blogging on my new found love of baking.  I'm sure you are thinking - what on earth?  Baking?  How does that jive with Kanga? How does that jive with the desire to not have any regain?  To be honest - I don't have any earthly idea.  All I know is that I love it.  Something about seeing the recipe come out just right, and something about making something that other people love to eat - even if I can't have it.

A couple of other things I find myself delving into these days that I will probably be blogging about .... Toastmasters - public speaking and leadership.  Whew! Yikes!  Let's see how that goes. I am also going to pursue my intermediate ITIL certification.

I have fallen in love with Lacrosse! My son has started playing and I love watching it! I am a hopeless lacrosse mom.

So if you are looking for some of my older posts - there is a link to my other blog over on the right. Otherwise - I'll be posting here from now on.

Let's get this party started!