November Gratefulness Posts - November 12

I know that I am very very behind. I have a very good reason. I came back to work full force - which is my M.O. I don't do anything half way. I go in all the way or I don't go in at all. Well, my brain that has suffered a stroke - and a pretty serious one at that - didn't react all that well to it.  I thought I was doing fairly well at it because I had remembered everything that I needed to and that was the measurement I was using. But in actuality my brain was giving me pretty good signs that it had enough and that it needed a break. I was getting headaches that  wouldn't stop and they weren't like the migraines I am used to. I was also experiencing vertigo and dizziness pretty badly. I could not remember what had happened  during my stroke and right afterwards. So my husband and sister helped me remember. It was not very pretty.

I had always wondered how my family had gotten through that time. It was really rather harrowing. How did my husband and sister know to do what they did? How did they know to listen to one doctor over another? How were they so sure they had made the right decision? I was so sick. I was in such unknown territory to not only them, but also the doctors. This was all so scary.  This was truly my land of denial. And they literally chose to keep me there. I am just making my way out of it, and it scares me. I will take a step out and look around and look at what I see, then bolt back at denial because I just plain don't like it. How did they live there without me?

And now I know.  There were friends - good - dear friends - praying me through it.  I cry as I write it. How could I doubt it?  RAMP. You were there. You stood in the gap. You knew. You prayed. You prayed for just the right thing.  I had no idea. I was in never never land. But when I talk to Daren about it now - he knows that it's the only way we made it through. It's the only way he made the right decision for me when he had no idea what it should be.  RAMP was praying for me, praying for the doctors to have unity, praying for Daren to make the right decision. He knows that without that, that without my sister beside him to help him have clarity of mind ... he may not have made the right decision to have me here beside him today.

I shake. I cry. I toss. I turn. Where would I be without my RAMP girls to hold me up before the thron of our almighty father?  As one of them most recently said to me ... to help me back from the "brink"?  

So you want to know why I have been behind?  I have been so tired from work.  My brain has been overworked.  I used to be on my computer 24/7. Even when I was done with work I would be on it - either working more or on facebook, or doing more research.  Now I am done with work and I am done with the computer. So I have had some trouble getting my posts done, and I apologize because it makes me fall behind on so many things that I am doing on my computer.  I'm sorry.